A new Preacher came to his first church, a little old country church. The first Sunday, only one person showed up for the morning service, a little old man in bib-over-alls.

The Preacher said to the man, "Brother, you seem to be the only one to show up this morning, should I preach or what?"

The little old man replied, "Well Sir, I ain't no preacher, I'm just an old farmer, but if I had a truck load of hay, and I went to the pasture and only one cow showed up, I'd feed that cow!"

The Preacher, inspired by these words of wisdom, began to preach like he never had before, he preached every thing he had learned or heard and then began to make up stuff, finally after 2-hours, he finished.

He looked to the little old man and said, "Well brother, what did you think of my first sermon here?"

The little old man replied, "Well Sir, I ain't no preacher, I'm just a little old farmer, but if I had a truck load of hay and I went to the pasture and only one cow showed up, I wouldn't dump the whole load on him!" 

  PECANS IN THE CEMETERY

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just

inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of

nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the

nuts.

"One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy.

Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.

Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he

thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to

investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me. One for

you, one for me."

He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just

around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.

"Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard! Satan

and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the Souls."

The man said, "Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk."

When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly

To the cemetery.

Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you,

one for me."

The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see

if we can see the Lord."

Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still

unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars

of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.

At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go

get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done."

They say the old man made it back to town a full 5 minutes ahead of

the kid on the bike.

SMILE, God Loves You!

I

dialed a number and got the following recording:

"I

am not available right now, but Thank

you for caring enough to call. I

am making some changes in my life. Please

leave a message after the Beep.

If I do not return your call, You

are one of the changes."

~~~~~

Aspire

to inspire before you expire.

~~~~~

My

wife and I had words,

But I didn't get to use

mine.

~~~~~

Frustration

is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.

~~~~~

Blessed

are those who can give without remembering

And take without

forgetting.

~~~~~

The

irony of life is that, by the time You're

old enough to know your way Around,

you're not going anywhere.

~~~~~

God

made man before woman so as to give him time to think

Of an answer for her

first question.

~~~~~

I

was always taught to respect my elders,

But it keeps getting harder to find!

one .

~~~~~

Every

morning is the dawn of

a new error.

~~~~~

The

quote of the month is by Jay Leno:

"With hurricanes, tornados, fires out

of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country

from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks,

"Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of

Allegiance?"

~~~~~

Church Humor

This page was last updated: September 11, 2008